on acceptance...

I never treat my life as bitter. I describe it as fun and jolly. But let me just express out how I feel today cuz of something that made me feel sad. I really wanted to have someone to talk to. Thanks to a friend of mine where she consoles me when she noticed that sad look in my eyes.(pano kaya nila napapansin?may slogan ba na nakasulat sa mata na malungkot ka pag nakikipag-usap sa kanila?I find 't weird cuz I paint my face with a smile but there she goes...noticed the bitterness I am feeling)Moving forward, I know you're clueless bout what I am saying and let me just talk to this pc now to ease some pain in deep. Let me begin with few questions here: 1.] Sino may alam diyan na psych?baliw na kasi ako... 2.] Pano ba makipag-usap sa multo? 3.] Kung bibigyan kang pagkakataon...makikipag-usap ka ba sa multo? 4.] How would you stay positive if all things that you think are in contrast with what you believe in? 5.] Kung magpapakamatay ba ako may mapapala ako?(alam ko wala..pero what if?) 6.] Pano ka matutulog kung hindi ka pinapatulog ng isip mo? 7.] Pano mo paglalabanan ang hirap o pighati na nadarama ng iyong puso kung hindi mo maramdaman na may puso ka? 8.] Nawawala ba ang puso? 9.] Kung mawala ang puso mo saglit,hahanapin mo ba 'to? 10.]Sabi nila naririnig daw ni Lord lahat ng prayers ng sansinukob...malapit na kaya para i-entertain niya mga hiling ko? 11.]Pano ko malalaman na malapit na niyang sagutin mga hiling ko? Naku! Unfair kasi walang notification kung accepted o rejected ang mga f-in-ile mong request? I have the answers to those questions.I'm just so damn confused about it.It feels so bad when you need someone and she's out of reach. It hurts so much when you miss someone and you'll never ever get the chance to talk to her. It hurts when you know that the person that you owe your life from will never have the chance to feel your embrace. It hurts so much when you miss those arms that helds you in times of sorrow. It's freakin difficult to accept that no matter how you stay positive over things you still end up having tears cuz you are aware that you can not be with her anymore. It aches deep inside how you long for someone and have that fact that she'll not come back. It really hurts when you miss every lil thing about her and cant do anything about cuz you are bound to accept the truth. It really hurts! Damn! Happy Birthday!:[

gettin too busy

I never got a life that's too busy as it is now. I used to waste my time before on silly things like roamin' around the mall, 5-hours-internet-surfing, sleeping, goin to school to meet attendance requirements and basically fooling around. I never value time coz I live life to the fullest. I live life as it is. I live to have fun and to satisfy myself with the things that I love to do. I live the way I wanted without people mandating me on what to do.

Though my parents are strict and keeps telling me to do things appropriately, I don't follow them (well, if I think that it's not worth to be followed) and just do what I think. I don't believe in "baka pagsisihan ko sa huli ang mga ginagawa ko"... well, I don't make things that I would end up blaming myself of its cons. I know that everything I do is in accordance with I feel, think and perceive... (wait wait..perceive?does it include the way I feel?hmm..) I know that everything that I do is right and if it's not (for others...) well I do not blame myself for it cuz on the first place I'm the one who commit it. I just add’t as one learning tool that so that I'll not do ’t again.

But now? Yes, I live to the fullest still but I get too busy that I don't see myself doing things that I'm used to before. I don't know. My life now is busy-boring-robotic. Busy cuz I need to do well with my work and have to attain good evaluations. Even if I'm off from school, it feels like I'm still studying (double the research or assignment stuff in school) cuz I need to know every little thing about what I'm telling to those (BULL****) customers. In that way I'll not mislead them. Boring cuz I'm bound too do what alters my principle. I need to be kind to them and follow every little policy that is written and is governed by their LAW. I can't exercise my own belief. Good thing is I can address what I truly feel the way I stare at them (makuha ka sa tingin…haha!)—and that in some way makes me feel good. Robotic may mean I do same thing that I do every other night.

Well, the good side is I know how to be more independent ( pakipansin ang quantifier na ginamit ko dito…which means I’m independent before!hehe). I no more rely on my sibs and parents. I live alone and it feels good cuz whatever happens I need to resolve‘t by my own. I don’t know if it’s fine cuz I miss them at times. But I look at it in an encouraging way… they say if you’ll look every thing in its good side, you’ll not feel awful. Well, what do you think?

re-post for modification...

Why Do We Fall in Love?

By Amy Bowles Reyer, Ph.D.

"It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all." — Groucho Marx

Falling in love is a magical experience that happens between two people. So why do people fall in love?

Q: What motivates people to seek out love?
A: Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.

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Q: How does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love?
A: Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!

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Q: Does it always work this way?
A: No, an interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can't believe that another persons finds us attractive — like the Groucho Marx joke where we don't want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don't feel good about ourselves.

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Q: What conditions are best for meeting someone and falling in love?
A: When you meet someone under conditions that are highly arousing — a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a stimulating performance — a time when the body is stirred up and excited, we tend to experience attraction at a heightened level. This effect is well documented but the explanations for it are very controversial. I tend to believe that we come to associate the arousal of the situation with this person and our own self-expansion.

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Q: When do we fall in love?
A: Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 1/3 to 40 percent of the time. Of course, this varies from culture to culture. Falling in love happens differently between cultures but it does occur in most cultures.

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Q: How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?
A: This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.

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Q: How do you explain that?
A: We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.

Q:Why do we need to fall in love if we just end up crying?
A:(answer ain't yet known)

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I end this up without an answer to the question above way back in March. Now, I can face 't. Sometimes, we just need to feel the aches and pain of having it coz we are trying to be mature. We long for someone we think that would make us the happiest and most contented person in the world just to have them. But ironically, we need to suffer. We need to feel the hurts of expecting for something (that now I learned we shouldnt!) and have it healed through time and have this realization that not all that we see can be heard...not all that we feel may be spoken...not all fragrances could be touched. Well, moral of the story is: some time in our lives we need to be crazy and dumb for that one crap and after just continue living. Ayun. Minsan nga lang talaga kelangang magpakatanga ka para alam mo kung pano magpapakatalino sa iisang bagay na 'yun pagkatapos. Tagos. Tumatagos. Tatagos. TUMAGOS. Now, I am certain that I'm now over with the past tense of the feeling I had whem I lost someone. Yipee! Cheers!

what about it?

I never loved reading books until I learned how it takes to a person to be great.I'm not saying I'm great coz I read but I feel great whenever I read books.There are lotta reasons how it makes me feel great. That's basically made me hooked up from having those leaves of books be at my side always. I never mind what's the title or who's the author but I'm up to how it brings impact to my life. I just find myself thinking of the scenes(if there are) of the stories from novels that I read.

I read "Orosa-Nakpil:Malate" a week ago and until now I still have those reactions(violent or crucial) for the setting,plot and specially the characters of the novel. It's a filipino novel that my nuna Sarah let me borrow. It's all about HIV-AIDS and a story of a giga-sexual. How he found true love despite of having confusions about his personality. I love the way the author wrote it coz he made me feel sad,happy,mad and fell in love to the book itself. I don't know if it's because of the story or how the story makes similarity to my life. I see myself to one of the characters on that novel....and I think that's the main reason why I did not sleep over night just to finish reading.

If you have read that novel, you will see myself as "Angelo". One who's a martyr lover. One who'll give up everything just to show my love and affection to a person(whew!we're becoming serious here..hehe).I don't know if you'll understand me(well, I don't care if you do, I have here this freedom of sayin what I feel now..alas to you!:)